Sunday, June 15, 2014

Bland Jelly Belly

Reporter: I'm reporting live from the scene where a young woman reported a Jelly Belly missing. Firefighters are on the scene as well.
Mrs. Robert M. Jackson, III, can you tell us exactly what happened?
Me: FOR THE LOVE! Do not use my husbands name, he freaks out when I tag him in a Facebook post. So, you can just call me Bambi. Young woman?!! Thank you so much. You know, I've been feeling old since I turned 30;)
Reporter: Uhm, Bambi?
Me: Yes, that's my stage name.    
Reporter:'re a stripper?
Me: Don't act so surprised! I COULD be. Well, probably not. No, several of us were joking around at the gym and came up stage names. I worked out with Tyra, Bianca and Victoria.    
Reporter: Let's get back to why we are here. The lost jelly bean.
Me: Well, I was lying in bed eating a handful of Jelly Bellys when one slipped from my clenched fist.
Reporter: Can you describe the lost bean?
Me: I originally thought it was red, because you know in the candy world red is always best. I thought surely I had lost the best Jelly Belly ever!
Reporter: Was it red?
Me: No. It was a disappointing beige color.
Reporter: I notice there is a fireman  here and I'm wondering how he got involved?
Me: In the 15 seconds it took me to locate the JB, I was genuinely a damsel in distress so I called them.
Reporter: Why not call the police?
Me: To be honest, I often see the fireman at the KrogerS on Edmondson and I thought if I was going to be distressed I might as well do it in the company of handsome firemen.
Reporter: How'd that work out for you?
Me: When the rookie arrived holding a Dalmation and riding a scooter, I began to think they didn't take my call seriously.
Reporter: Getting back to the issue, when you were reunited with the bean,what was it like?
Me: I'm not sure. Its color didn't lead me to expect much, and I wasn't disappointed. I couldn't identify the taste........roasted marshmallow, sheet of paper? Who knows.
Reporter: Well, thank you so much for your time Mrs. Jac.....I mean, Bambi.
(Looking at camera) Well folks, this is Chanel 4's Beyonce Sugars  and I'm calling it a night!

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