My job hunt

Job Hunting in a “foreign” city…… I’m trying to update my resumé, and feeling very overwhelmed by the task while simultaneously underwhelmed by my achievements! I’ve always lived and worked in the vast metropolis of Dublin. I've always just found jobs via word of mouth. So, the whole resumé thing is a bit daunting. I’m accustomed to just talking to someone about the job and then giving them whatever resumé I have on file along with a copy of my nursing license. Does anyone really read cover/intro letters? The only time I ever paid attention to them was to look for misspelled words. I know that truth is valued when applying for a job, but I’m not sure prospective employers would want the whole truth from me! My truth is something like this…………… To Whom It May Concern: Attached please find my glorious resumé. You won’t even need to review it; I’ll just take the job if it fits my requirements. I’m highly motivated when it comes to cookies and M&M Blizzards with extra chocolate syrup. I’ve been known to scale the freezer section in Publix in search of a slice of Key Lime pie. Obviously, I’m goal oriented. I prefer to come in to work around 9 or 9:30. Lunch for me is 12-1:30, unless I need to stop by the grocery store on my lunch break. In that case, I’ll be back sometime before 4:00. I’ll need to leave around 4:00 p.m. so I’ll have time and energy to engage in my latest hobby, cooking. I’m flexible when it comes to breaks, but please know that when nature calls I must heed. A 15 minute break in the morning and one or two in the afternoon should be sufficient for me to return personal calls and texts and have a Diet Dr. Pepper. I’ll need an office with a window and some birdfeeders outside. Having worked in the equivalent of a brightly lit shoebox for the last several years, views of nature are non-negotiable. Also, 1-4 furchildren will be accompanying me to work daily. Of course, they’ll need plenty of room, some comfy beds and food. Please remove any employees who may be allergic to cats or those who just simply don’t like animals. If they don’t like animals, I’m sure I won’t like them so best to just fire them before I arrive. Vacation. Ah, good ole vacation. 3 weeks per year should be sufficient when combined with my taking every federal holiday with pay. "Pay commensurate" with experience seems to be the going rate. Since I’m fantabulously experienced in things I think are important, you can just pay me what I think I’m worth. I’ll also need a healthy budget for a new work wardrobe. I’ve previously worked in my pajamas aka scrubs, so I don’t have that many great street clothes. I’d like to retain the right to wear my jammies (scrubs) whenever I want to be comfy. Also, as long as the temp is above 32 degrees I’ll be wearing flip flops. Makeup is optional. Usually, I like the more natural look, but I’ve been experimenting with liquid eyeliner so who knows where that may lead me. I think that about sums up my qualifications and needs. I’ll be in town on April 8th and I’ll just pop in that morning. You should have plenty of time to begin my orientation prior to my lunch break. Her Majesty, Mrs. Jackson

Special senses

I'm not sure I will ever understand the special senses that mommies have. They are useful, but at times, I want to be able to pass the reigns of the mommy wagon to daddy. Those of you who know I do not have two-legged children may wonder what I know about mommy stuff. LOTS! I can see out of the back of my head, I know the sound of mischief and can generally identify the culprit and his/her "toy" without even seeing them.

Case in point. My husband and I are sitting on the sofa, and he's on the end nearest the Christmas tree with a squirt bottle of water in his possession. I hear running and scuffling, who wouldn't?, and realize the cats are playing under the tree. I interrupt hubby's TV viewing to inform him what's going on so he can take action. Rinse and repeat. Only the next time, the tree begins to topple! We rush over and rescue the tree and I jokingly tell him he's the worst mommy ever. I attempt to steal his seat on the sofa when he gets up, so I can be on tree patrol and in charge of the water bottle. He is vehemently opposed to a change in seating, and justifies his unwillingness to move by saying I require "too much stuff and a table and all." While this is true, it would have been easier to supervise feline frolickers had I been standing guard. Not to mention the most vital mommy sense, I know Sheldon's tricks. As I'm gazing over the end of the sofa, observing movement of the tree that I suspect may soon turn to mayhem, Rob tells me that Sheldon is just "sitting behind the tree being cute". Nope. He'll sit there long enough for you to quit paying attention and take full advantage of the opportunity to attack the tree!

Bumbling Biker

Ya'll know I love the new 441 bypass. On the bypass, I pass by Walke Dairy road. No idea exactly what part of Walke Dairy road, but I'm sure I've been there and done that, pedaling a bike. I fail to recognize the junction as I'm sure by the time I've reached this area while biking, I'm singularly focused on making it up one more hill or incline, staring at my feet, grunting and cussing like a sailor.

One of my proudest biking moments occured on the I-16 overpass on Walke Dairy road. I have yet to master drinking water and riding a bike at the same time. For me, they're mutually exclusive sports. So, Rob and I had planned to stop on the overpass for a drink and a rest. Stopping I have no problem with, it's UNclipping from my clipLESS pedals, and getting my feet on the ground before gravity takes over that throws a kink in my plan. You read that right, the pedals you clip your feet into are called clipless pedals. We come to a stop on the overpass, I cannot unclip, and just like a slow-motion cartoon, I topple over......still clipped into my pedals. I've been known to do the same thing on Highway 80 in front of Golden Corral and on Country Club road. So, if you see a chick biking come to a stop and topple over, spare me the embarassement and look the other way!